Advising others.

Posted on: 19/08/2011

Here’s something new:

Advise is a verb, advice is a noun!

So, I shall write by practicing this new knowledge.

” What you know now that you didn’t know then…”

This was what was plaguing my mind for the last few days. 

On top of that comes the punch. Would you still give the advice you gave someone all those years ago? Or would you have told them something completely new now with what you currently know? Say, maybe you’ve mature over time and had some changes happening in your life which in turn changes the way you look at things (all over again or yet again – things change over time constantly no matter how much we dislike it!).

With that said, I have to admit that in an ideal world I would love to live without regret. Alas, every action has a consequence and sometimes, not everything I do has awesome consequences! Hey – we’re all only human right? I certainly don’t know how I feel about giving people advice now.

In fact, I am absolutely petrified that the advice I give might cause them a misfortune that I personally don’t want to be responsible for. Not that I want to shed responsibility and neither should they take my advice understantably so because everyone has a choice. But just the thought – what if?

Ah… “What if”… The two little words you ponder over at least a million times in this life when making a decision. I thought about any advice I’ve ever given to someone and the latest would be advising some friends of recent relationship developments or breakdowns. I believe that being able to do what you like without sacrificing your personal happiness is important. For example, if someone is constantly not happy in a relationship, they should break things off.

Harsh (and simple), I know, but look at it this way (Disclaimer: This is just my opinion! Not really any advice you should, but could probably take…) :

  • Why should you be with someone who makes you unhappy? That’s unhealthy in the emotions file, and if you think you deserve to feel unhappy then you’re warped (unless you killed someone and haven’t been caught then you deserve it – 100x).
  • You can’t just HOPE for things to turn out awesome or just the way you want it to. That other person in the relationship? He/She still has their personal goals or ideals too! *shocker* This also includes wanting to change someone – I mean, what’s the point? ‘Nuff said! 
  • If you can talk about it, then talk about it. It’s your life and if the issue could be resolved simply by talking, why squander the feelings you’ve developed by keeping your mouth shut?

As an afterthought, what if someone breaks up with their other half because they followed the advice and feel a thousand times worse than they did before?

I have been told that when I advise someone, I usually advise them according to what their situation is and not what I think they should do. In my opinion, that’s the only way relevant to someones’ problems. Giving someone your own opinion as compared to giving it some extra thought and advising them according to what their situation entails? Miles apart. 

I guess you can’t do it all the time, but if you can, then I guess you’ve struck a balance – good for you! At the end of the day, I think it’s all about balance in life. There’s no right or wrong way, thus no definition of what balance is! My definition of it is  this – if your thoughts and feelings sit right with you, then that’s balance enough for me.


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